I would regularly wake up weeping. I was in that deep of depression.
My engagement plans were unexpectedly called off, and I was left a shell of my former self.
I was haunted by memories that would dart across my mind at random. The more I fought to repress them, the more they bubbled to the surface. I was tormented by hypothetical “what ifs” and “should haves.” I was claustrophobic inside of my own head.
It was all I could do just to roll over and get out of bed most days. However, when I did manage to put my feet on the ground, I would walk across the street to a nearby Catholic church and sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament for a holy hour—an hour of silence and prayer. There, on 14th Street and Aurora, Jesus slowly pieced me back together.
As I sat face to face with Our Eucharistic Lord, I was completely open with him. I let him know what I was thinking. I allowed him to see the pain I was going through. I didn’t hide anything or hold anything back. At the same time, I also made sure to tell Jesus that I would continue trusting him no matter what happened to me.
From week to week, I didn’t notice any difference in my emotional state. Month to month even, I couldn’t notice much progress. Slowly but surely, though, my eyes began to open. My heart gradually went from oozing with resentment to pleading for mercy. I eventually recognized that I could say the words “I forgive her” and actually mean them. Not only that, but I could eventually say the words “Please bless her abundantly” and actually mean them!
Over time, I discovered a steady stream of peace that flowed within me, regardless of how many tears I shed. Despite the waves of doubt and longing that occasionally took hold of my attention, I was immersed in gratitude and joy.
I look back at that tumultuous year, and I consider it a beautiful time in my life. Tumultuously beautiful. It was a period of breaking and healing, stretching and strengthening, and most especially, persisting and encountering.
I encountered Jesus during that year, one to one, person to person. Consequently, not only did my emotional life gingerly find healing, but my spiritual life grew from a few sparks into a raging wildfire.
In this Eucharistic encounter, Jesus went from being an idea that I knew about to a person whom I intimately knew—a person who intimately and infinitely knew me in return. As I sat in silence before the Eucharist day after day, Jesus became a friend to me. He became a mentor, a brother, a father, a lover, a coach, etc. I became a mentee, a brother, a son, a lover, a student, etc. I transformed.
Before sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament everyday, Jesus was someone I knew I should follow, and the Catholic Church’s teachings seemed like logical rules. As I sat in front of the Blessed Sacrament, however, Jesus became someone I desired to follow, and his Church’s teachings became emancipations. It seems subtle, but my lens on life completely changed. A conviction and clarity set in.
There wasn’t a specific instance that this happened. There were no life-shattering moments while I prayed. I never heard Jesus audibly speak to me. I never felt a rush of joy or sense of warmth flood my body.
However, as I sat in that church’s second pew morning after morning, I did have a sense that a very real Presence dwelled within the tabernacle and gazed upon me with unequaled love. I did suspect that even though I felt stripped of everything I had ever hoped for, Jesus was there and working for me. Jesus was actually what my heart had been hoping for, and he was readily accessible to me at any given moment.
This is my Eucharistic encounter, but what’s yours?
Have you met Jesus person to person? Have you experienced his loving gaze in the Eucharist? Have you experienced transformation in your heart from this encounter?
If so, when did your encounter take place? Can you recall the details? Where were you living? What prompted your encounter? Who were you with?
In John 1, the beloved disciple, John, sees Jesus and asks him where he is staying. Jesus then turns to him and says “Come, and you will see” (Jn. 1:38). In his Gospel, John recorded that it was about four in the afternoon when he left to follow Jesus. Now, why would John include the detail that it was four in the afternoon? Seems a little bit extraneous, right? Was he just trying to meet a word-count for his publisher?
Because of course John would remember the moment he encountered Our Lord!
During this third year of the National Eucharistic Revival, everyone is invited to encounter Jesus in the Eucharist. This invitation entails much more than just knowing about Jesus in the Eucharist. It even entails more than just believing in his Real Presence in the Eucharist. This invitation entails genuinely knowing Jesus in the Eucharist.
During this Year of Mission, we need to ask ourselves if our faith rests solely in our heads or if it has sunk down into our hearts and out into our hands and feet. Our faith is not one of mere beliefs and values. Rather, our faith is one of relationship and transformation. The dividing line there is a genuine Eucharistic encounter.
A genuine Eucharistic encounter, just to be clear, does not have to be a grandiose moment. In fact, it is often anything but grandiose. Moreover, a genuine Eucharistic encounter is not a one and done kind of thing. Though I encountered Jesus in the Eucharist in a profound way while healing from heartbreak, my encounter didn’t stop there. I continued to encounter Jesus in the Eucharist every time I stepped inside a Catholic church thereafter. Today, I aspire to encounter Jesus in the Eucharist anew each and every day. A genuine Eucharistic encounter leads to infinitely more encounters.
Jesus in the Eucharist is not a magician. He doesn’t grant your prayers on command exactly how you ask. He’s also not Advil. He’s not a quick fix for the problems that arise in your life. Jesus in the Eucharist is the all-trustworthy, all-holy Lover whom your heart instinctively searches for. Go and encounter him. He’s in your nearby tabernacle waiting for you.
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The National Eucharistic Congress, Inc. was founded in 2022 by the U.S. bishops in direct response to the need for National Eucharistic Revival. It exists to bring the world into a living relationship with Jesus in the Eucharist, and it accomplishes such a mission through world-class events, innovational pilgrimages, and exceptional spiritual formation.
